The haunting word "infertile"

You try all your life to not get pregnant, and when you want to bring a child into this world you can't.  Kind of ironic to me.  The past year has been the most emotionally draining year I have ever had.

I believe in God, and I believe in His timing.  That being said, sitting in the waiting room waiting for your "time" is not always easy.  Especially when its a long wait.

A little background for those who don't know me. I am 24 years old and have been married to my best friend since July 30, 2011. My best friend just turned 26 and he brought the most amazing gift into our relationship.  A 5 year old daughter named Kyndall aka "the light of my life."  My husband has full custody of Kyndall so she lives with us 100% of the time.  So in all aspects other then "biological" she is my child, and I love her as such. We always knew we wanted to have more children.  So in November 2011 we thought it was time to start trying.  I thought it would be easy.  A couple months went by with negative after negative and Aunt Flow after Aunt Flow.  Went to my OBGYN after 4 months,and she said "it just takes time." 8 months pass and I go to my new OBGYN and he again says, "it takes time and to come back in November if I'm still not pregnant."  Well fast forward to November and here I am still not pregnant.

For those who don't know after one year of actively TTC without avail you are considered "infertile!"  That word scares me more then I ever thought possible.  I have an appt again on December 5th and I am praying I get some answers. This journery is the biggest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. Especially when you are surrounded by everyone around you having babies or going thru pregnancy.

I feel like I am letting my husband down.  I am failing him as a wife.  I feel like I am letting Kyndall down, not giving her a sibling she is wanting so badly.  I feel like my body is letting me down.  Why me?  Why can't I seem to get pregnant?  Everyone says, it will happen in time and to stop "trying."  For anyone who has ever struggled to conceive those comments are like nails on a chalkboard.  Easier said then done people! My biggest dream in life is to become a mother and go thru the motions of carrying a child.  I pray to carry a child, to bring a child into this world, to nourish a child with my body.  All things that God intended for a womans body to do.  Every tear, every negative test, every "it'll happen in time."  So here I am today, after one year of trying and now considered "infertile" still keeping faith praying that if it's in God's will (which please be in His will) I will soon carry a child of my own.  A child that will be created by two people who love one another immensely.  A child that our daughter can call herself a "big sister," because of them.  For this I pray!